The world as I see it…

Okay…  time for a more ‘real’ update.  I know it’s not always necessary to post huge mo-fo updates like this one, but a lot has happened in the last few weeks that it’s worth the time to write/read this.   I know that some people will open this up and go, “yeesh, that’s a lot. I’m not gonna read all that ramble.”  

First off – I need a haircut.  But I don’t have enough money for one.  Now, stop it with the “well, cut your own hair” deal.  I’ve done it before and, believe it or not, I really screwed it up.   How can you screw up my haircut?  it’s possible, believe me.   But there’s this lady at the mall that’s cut my hair every month since October, and I dig the fact that I can just walk in and she doesn’t even need to ask me what I need done.  I guess I’m a little too picky when it comes to my haircut, especially since I wear a baseball cap 90% of the time I go out of the house.   haha.  

so…  I’m getting a bit of scruffle on my cheeks.  I think I need to shave…   or should I?  I think I might try to grow a beard for the summer.  ha.  That’d be, umm..   interesting.   I’m not really a ‘beard’ kinda guy.  I just let it go every once in a while… get a little scruffle and shave again.   Why am I talking about shaving?  I guess because I feel like it…  and I can say whatever I want.   I know someone is reading this going, “wtf George?”   I love this xanga thing actually.  It’s really grown on me over the last 6 months, but I like it for the fact I can talk about personal stuff in a public medium.   …   anyway, back to my rambling.  

Maybe I should just let myself go for the summer…   grow a fro…   beard…  whatever…    stop showering…     j/k    haha..     I think I’ll just be a lazy hermit.  Heck, I have to sit on my ass in front of a computer in my room all summer…  who’s gonna see me?

So, Star Wars comes out in 9 days and some-odd hours.  I’ll admit that I’m a total SW geek.  …although I’m not one that collects all those figures and models and stuff.  I actually only own like 3 things that are star wars related…   and one is a SW t-shirt that I’ll wear to the theater next wednesday night.  I wore it to Ep. I and II.  And I don’t care if anyone makes fun of me…  I’m  uber excited about Ep.III coming out next week.  I’d probably be waiting in line for it right now too…   but I’m only a geek… not stupid.   But I do have tickets. (Thanks to the internet).  Got 2 tix for the midnight show at the Edwards cinema.  As Lizz would say, “it’s gonna be sweet titties!!”   Speaking of Lizz, I hope she goes with us.  I already have my other ticket spoken for…  Karen’s gonna be my date.   And by the way, I’m going to the midnight show.  I am such a huge dork sometimes when it comes to seeing certain movies.  I think living in NYC for 6 months sorta spoiled me with going to the theater.  But it always seems that the opening night/first preview viewing audiences are much more responsive and for me, it’s a more fun experience overall.  I guess it doesn’t really matter if there’s a lot of people there or not or whatever… I’ve had bad experiences too…  but I just love the excitement and the anticipation of being there for the first day the movie comes out.  But going to see X-men 2 on opening day a couple years ago…  that was a bit of a disaster.  Reggie and I were at the Mann’s Chinese Theater in friggin’ sweet LA, and had great seats to enjoy the flick.  but there was this drunk ass chick that sat next to me, obviously never saw the first movie and had NO idea what was going on and talked up a storm.  I’m a little bit passive, so I kinda let it slide a little longer than I wanted to…   but a few other disturbed people spoke up and the girl’s boyfriend/guy friend (who was also a little drunk, I think) was becoming a little, ummm…   violent.  So, I kept my mouth shut, because I didn’t want my 3-day vacation to Los Angeles to end up with me having to kick some guy’s ass.  

Now, being one that did attend both Ep. I and II on opening day (7:30 pm shows both times) and seeing how excited everyone was and the people dressed up in costumes (mega dorky) and all the hype, I have no idea what I’m in store for with the midnight show next wednesday night.   I can’t wait, but Karen is still trying to get me to dress up as Han Solo…   haha…  all I can say is, are you kidding?  I’m not that good pulling off a white-guy already, but I can’t compete with Harrison.   Getting the outfit would be easy, but I ‘d be better off shaving my head and going for Mace Windu.    ugh…  why am I even contemplating it??   no no no…  I won’t do the costume thing.  I would probably do it if I could go Vader with the mask and all…  heck, I’m tall, dark…  well, wearing a mask, what good is dark?   ha…   anyway, it would be fun, but I’d rather just go watch the movie and enjoy the crowd of people that comes to be part of the midnight viewing.   agh…  SO excited.

So, until then, I have lots of little things here and there to do and lots still to talk about here.

I have my piano final on wednesday…   should be a piece o’ cake, but only IF I get my ass out to UH sometime before wednesday.  I suck ass on piano when I don’t touch one for a few days at a time.  I just can’t wait to live closer to school next year, so it won’t be a struggle to get to school just for a little practice time.  Or I should just buy a piano for the apartment.   psh…  yeah right.   …well, maybe if I make enough money this summer, I’ll try to get one of those electronic upright ones…  like the ones we have at school, only better.   But we’ll have to wait and see.

As for summer and work and drill and all that stuff, things look like they’ll be okay.  I hope nothing gets in the way of doing a quality job for all the bands I’m writing for.  This will be year number 4 for me in the drill designing and the last couple years were just filled with obstacles that just sucked up my getting through the summer smoothly.  Last year was a combination of teaching Bluecoats and my move down here to TX.  I moved in mid-september which is mid-crunch time for shows.  I was litterally working on drill while I packed.  My laptop was the last thing to get packed and the first thing to get unpacked.  And as soon as I got here, I was back to work on drill before I even enloaded stuff from my car.  And that all made for just a little more of a stressfull end of the fall.  I kinda had somewhat of an internal breakdown that I kept bottled up all that time and it’s one of many things that I know affected my personal life and my ex g/f and my friends, etc.

But this summer… living with Andy…   cheap rent and close to everyone.   Gonna work my ass off on drill and hopefully get through it all smoothly and with flying colors and write some kick ass shiizznit!

Then in the fall…   moving in with Robbie and Tyler.  That’s gonna be sick fun.  I am just thankful that fate plays some weird tricks.   I remember the first time I ever walked into Robbies place back in December.  I met people like Ashley, Andy, Justin, Matt, et al.  and I remember standing in the kitchen while Robbie and Tyler were cooking dinner, and I think it was Robbie that asked if I was gonna try to move closer to school.  They were both there talking to me when I mentioned that I wanted to look for a roommate and maybe move in the summer.  They both said they’d keep their ears open if someone needed a roomie and let me know.  And now…   the 3 of us will be roomies!!  kick ass!   But everyone has to come visit our place…  it’s gonna kick ass!  HDTV heaven!  I wonder if we’ll get the cable service?   I don’t think we need it or should get it…   all I need is internet.   That way I don’t have to drive myself out to the library or Panera Bread anymore, just to check/send e-mail.   (and post this).  

So, I needed to do laundry the other day…   did I do it?   nope!  ha.   I’m so lazy.  Well, not so much lazy and more poor.  I have money to do laundry, but things are so tight right now and I’m so worried about being able to afford gas to get to school over the next couple days, I’m just putting a few things aside.   But as soon as I’m done writing this, a trip to the clothes center is happenin’.   I don’t even have that much to clean…  just all my socks, underwear, shorts, shirts and jeans.   I have lots of clean sweatshirts and dress clothes.  

So, to get some money to help me move, I’m gonna try to get rid of a few things I have around the apartment.  Basically, all I’m keeping are my bed, desk, chair, big TV, and dining set.  I have things like a couch , coffee table, end table, lamps, some shelf units, and random little junk to try to sell off.  I have a smaller TV that I think I’ll just give away and a TV stand that could go with it.  I have lots of friends that could use the TV.  just who’s gonna be the lucky one? 

So, with the TBS/KKY formal coming up this weekend, it’s gonna be one jam-packed weekend of stuff.  There’s a Cavalier thing this weekend that will occupy Friday and Sunday, and with the formal being Saturday, I have 3 full days of party and fun.

With all that stuff going on this weekend, I’m not so sure when I’m actually going to move.  I told Brian and Andy that I would move the weekend of the 14th, but it looks like I won’t do it until the Monday or Tuesday. Either way, I have a shit load of furniture and crap to relocate, but I might just move some now and the rest later.  It just so happens that I made a mistake in making these arrangements to move mid-May, when in fact my lease doesn’t end here until June 30.  I have a whole month and a half of the Conroe apt. to still pay for.  So, what I think I’ll just do, for practical purposes, is still move to H-town next monday-ish, only take what I need for work and clothes and come back for my furniture later.  This way, I don’t have to pay an extra month of storage, my electric bill will be quite low, I’ll have internet at the new apt. and I’ll be closer to school if I need/want to practice and stuff.   I think the one and only downfall is the money thing.  Which is a big deal, but paying rent for June for 2 places will burn me for about $900 but I should be able to swing it by the time I need it.  It’ll definitely require a bit of a sacrificing a few things like a meal here or there or maybe an extra bar of soap.   but I’ll manage.  I always seems to find ways to make it work out, even if I have to sell off a few dvds or PS2 games.

But besides the apartment stuff and things going on this summer, I have quite a load planned for the fall.  I’m gonna be taking a trip to Indy for BOA again, but this time with some colleagues from a new company we’re starting in the field of show designing. I’m not gonna get too deep into all that right now, but I will update as I feel is necessary later on.  And soon after that weekend, I plan to do a recital at school.  It’ll be a junior recital still.  But I plan on making it a fun one.  Not only fun, but hard as shit.  Everyone has doubts on what to do for a recital and what would be the best line-up, etc.  I do look forward to sitting down with Vassallo and getting this all figured out, but I have a pretty good idea of what I want to play and the order.

Here’s what I would like to do:

- Rustiques – Bozza
- Trio for Trumpet, Violin and Piano – Ewazen

(intermission)

- Neruda trumpet concerto
-Slavic Fantasy – Hohne

For me, the Neruda is pretty much done…  I’d play it memorized because I already know it so well (and heard it like 12 times this semester  )  and I’d like to do that because it’s something I have to work less hard on getting.   I can tell you now that the Ewazen will by far be the most difficult thing to pull off on this recital.  Not only is my part mega psycho, but I have to find a pianist and viloinist that will commit to this.  I might have to set aside a new savings account with the money I make this year to help pay for some musicians.  I would LOVE to get Mr. Hester to be my pianist for that.  I can’t imagine anything better, but I’d mostly like that because it’d just be cool because we have the same last name…  but of course, no relation. 

I’ve got other music I’d consider for the recital, but for sure I’ll be doing Neruda and Rustiques.  I did the Bozza for my jury.  ehhh…  not a performance I’d take for my recital, but I definitely have a good head start on it.  It’s basically done, just needs polishing.   The Hohne though…  just fast as shit and fun as heck!   I played bits and pieces of it years ago and always wanted to perform it in a recital.  I’ll make sure I bust ass on my clarkes and make sure my fingers can fly for this mother.  I figure if I’m gonna close the recital out with something flashy, it’d have to be something like Slavic Fantasy.  And I especially wanna do it because not many people here have heard it before.

But lots to get ready for and lots to do today still.  I think I’ve updated enough for today.  Heck, if any of you actually read all this, congratulations…   I know I ramble and talk forever, but that’s what this is for.  If you don’t like my rambling, don’t read my shiznit.   haha.   I’m sure it’s all enjoyable to a point though.  I don’t even know what other people get out of this online journal thing.  But I get a kick out of being me and babbling about the most random stuff sometimes.   It’s all good, dude!

See ya later…   I’ll be updating more often this summer.   And those of you that have my s/n for AIM that might be a little frustrated that I’m ALWAYS mobile…  get ready for some 24/7 action once I get back online.   (…if anyone was interested, that is).

until next time…

what up world?!   I’m done with the semester!   made it through my jury today and I’m celebrating by staying up all night playing video games.   I’m such a nerd.    ha.   Not really.   But I’m over here at Robbie’s (which will soon be my apartment come August) and we’re here hangin’ with Jody, Andy, Lizz, Sean, Tyler and one of Jody’s high school friends.   And what happened to Amie?   I remember her leaving, but I didn’t think she was actually leaving leaving.     ah well…  I’ll see her again soon.

So, I’m too tired to think of more to write so I’ll have to come back online and update again tomorrow.   I’ve got lots to say.  It’s funny how I really didn’t get another chance to do this until now.   But be ready for a really long update following this one.

It’s about time I wrote something here.  I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.  A lot of little things came up this week and a lot of big things as well.  I’m a little confused on a few major things and one of them is my education.  others are things like finding a place to live next year, relationships, jobs…   pretty much the usual.  But for me, right now, I need to relax this weekend and do absolutely nothing…  clear my head…  take a load off and watch some TV…  play some PS2…  call my dad and catch up with him…   maybe even take a little trip to the mall or something.

…

But wait…  I can’t do any of that because I have about 48 hours worth of shit to do in the next 48 hours.     And I’m smiling because I can’t think of anything better to do than make the most of it and hope that the week ahead will be an easy one.

First off, one exciting thing about the week ahead is that I don’t have to teach on Tuesday.  In fact, I won’t be teaching Tuesdays anymore this semester.  Thank God.  I needed to move some kids around and cut some too.  Well, I basically only cut the kids that kept skipping out on me.  I don’t put up with that.  it’s like 3 strikes and you’re out.

So, brass ensemble rehearsal tomorrow from 10:45-noon or something.  That’s gonna be cool.  I like the music we’re playing.  And the recital/concert for that is Sunday.  I don’t know what time yet.  Then there’s Rylan’s recital tomorrow also, someone else’s recital, someone else’s recital, etc etc.  It never ends.  Then there’s the PMA/SAI formal tomorrow night at Jakes.  I’m looking forward to that, but I haven’t decided yet if I’m gonna actually go.  For numerous reasons, which I won’t go into.  But it would be a great time, but after such a long day of rehearsals, recitals and practicing, I hope I can still party!

Sunday is just gonna be a dirge. I have to practice SO much for my piano class. My teacher, as great as she is, loves to pile a shit load on us for the weekends.  We have class there on M and F and we never get stuff assigned on Monday for Friday.  It seems she’s a little dillusional that we have more time to practice over the weekend than we do during the week.  Screw that!  I have more time on Tuesday ALONE than I do on most average 2-day weekends.  I’d be lucky to cram in a meal here and there. 

But my jury is in a week and a half…  gonna play Rustiques.  Call me crazy, but I went into my lesson the other day barely having learned the tune and now I’m gonna do it for my Jury on the 4th. It’s not too terribly difficult but it’s just a lot of notes and a lot of potential to just suck ass if I don’t figure it all out.  I talked to Mr. V like 2 weeks ago about what I wanted to start working on for my recital in the fall.  Rustiques was one I mentioned…  So, I pulled a copy out and started it up.  After my lesson this week, he said “this would be great for you to play for your jury…    …just figure out a few things and you should be fine.”  I guess that’s a good compliment that I did well on it for the lesson, but damn it’s still very new to me and have little time to get more comfortable with it.  No biggie…   bring it on!!!

There’s like 5 other things/recitals going on this Sunday also, but I’m too worried about the stuff I have going on tonight to think that far ahead.  yikes.

So, next weekend is just gonna be rough.  Besides being thankful I don’t have to teach Tuesday, which will give me a better prep for my Wednesday trumpet jury, it’s a good thing next weekend is open and full of time for me to work hard on my jury piece.

Wait…   I forgot, we have a 4-hour recording session on Saturday and concert Sunday. ;-)  hahaha…  And if this recording session goes anything like the one we had last Wednesday, those 4 hours could turn into 6!     I know it probably sounds like I’m complaining but I’m really not.  I just love how easy this semester has been for me (schedule wise) until now and it’s all piling on hard core.  I know this always happens, but for me, a guy that hasn’t been in school for almost 5 years, I kinda forgot about that stuff.

Also, on my plate I’m about to start drill…   and that presents a whole other can of worms that spills all over the place.  I lost the band I had in Colorado.   They decided to go with a local guy that they would pay much less and would be there for the season and their camps.  I’m happy for them that they got what they wanted, but they waited until mid-April to cancel on us when we signed them in December…  then the guy has the nerve to ask for the deposit back.  Fuck that…   good thing Mitch doesn’t take that shit and won’t budge on him unless lawyers go knockin’ on his door. 

So, I’m now down to 8 bands for the summer.  It’ll make me enough money for what I need it for, but losing a couple thousand dollars kinda hurts.  Plus, I’m hoping to purchase an Eb and a Pic this summer with some of my earnings.  That’s gonna be more of a fantasy if I don’t pull off a few miracles…   and one being finding a roommate or a couple roomies and getting a good place that’s cheaper than what I pay now.  Figuring out a few numbers, I spend on average $55 per week on gas, commuting to school and stuff.  over thelast 3 months, I’ve probably spent something like $700 on gas alone…   $640 per month on rent/utilities for my place…  $70/mo. for my cell phone…   and my school tuition out of my pocket…  I won’t even say how much that is.

The only point I’m trying to make here is that once my money starts rollin’ in this summer and I’ve moved out of this apartment (and in with Andy), I’ll be saving about an average of $600/mo. on my expenses!!     that’s pretty kick ass, huh?!   I know it’s not really something to brag about, but shit I went through a rough semester, barely being able to have the time or freedom to do things other than all the commuting and living on my own paying the bills.

I actually love living alone.  I won’t ever complain about it.  But now that I’m back in school, paying things like tuition, parking permits, meal plans, stuff like that, getting a place with a friend, splitting some bills, driving MUCH less to get to school…  all will really make things for George so much better than they are now. 

Well, I wanna say lots more, but they are blinking the lights here at the library and I should get going before they close.

I’ve had an amazing semester here and I like this school a lot.  I’m really thankful to be here among such great people and teachers. 

So, in case I don’t get a chance to update for a while again, take care everyone.  Come see up on Sunday, May 1 @ 3pm.  It’ll be the longest concert EVER!

And wish me luck on my jury. And moving to Houston.  And whatever else I’m forgetting.  (just make something up. ) \

bye!

**Yo…  so I wrote this thursday evening…  took me long enough to find time to come online again, huh?!

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What’s up world?? So, things are a little better today. Not great, but at least I smiled a few times.

So, last night wasn’t anything less than simply incredible… incredible fun, that is. Dr. Bales treated me to a nice dinner at this Vietnamese place in Houston that was delicious. I got this dish that was chicken, fried sweet rice and this yummy dipping sause for the chicken… and also a side salad, but the chicken and rice was the best part. He got this soup and added a bunch of goodies in there and I tried it.. it was very tasty.

After dinner, he took me to see a Houston Aeros game. I hadn’t seen hockey live in a long time. And with the NHL being out of comission for the year now, it’s that much more of a relief to see some action again. And the game itself was awesome. The Aeros won 5-2 and there was some great action, a couple questionable calls from the goal judges (haha) and at least 4 fights. I can’t remember, but there had to be at least 6 guys in the box at one time from both teams. Heavy hittin’ and lots of fun. I know it’s not the “NHL” caliber, but it’s still hockey and hockey rules all!!! I don’t care if it’s high school hockey, I’ll still watch it and enjoy it.

It was definitely such a treat to get invited out to spend a night not worrying about practicing or going to the gym and stuff like that. Doc was like, “man, you don’t need to practice.. lets just go take a load off…” And I did it. I really needed it too.

So, another good thing is that I definitely got a few things resolved financially. It’s still got a bit of waiting to go, but it looks like I’ll make it through okay. Thank God for all my friends and the people that I can go to for help and they are actually able to help me. And I mean that in a very sincere way, because I know that friends are always there to help you, but not likely in the ways they are in this case. I won’t really go into detail about it, but I can just say that everything will be cool and I’m just glad I brought this all up before it was too late.

As far as the rest of the semester goes, I’ll be fine. School isn’t really that difficult for me to handle. It’s actually a lot of fun for me. Not necessarily “easy” per say… just that I enjoy my major so much and I appreciate the art and the potential everyone has to be a musician and touch someone’s life in very unique ways no matter who they are, and the fact that I do that and can continue to do that motivates me enough not to ever think one negative thought about it and what I do in school. Yeah, we all get down when we don’t do well on something. Shit, I screwed up bad on my last piano exam and it bothered me for the rest of the day, but the more I think about it, I’m not Van Cliburn, yo! duh! ha.

But being here at UH, I feel that sometimes the students here are way too hard on themselves. Or just seem to act in a way where they feel they have to be perfect at every moment, even when they are still in fact trying their best to perfect playing their instruments and the purpose for why they are here in the first place. I’m not talking the ed majors either. It’s just a thing where I know when I play for studio class I’ll make mistakes. I don’t think I ever get mad from those mistakes. Though, I do get nervous, yes. But I guess it’s just something I don’t understand how someone that’s 19 or 20 years old will get in front of the studio and play some really hard trumpet lit. and honestly get upset that they made mistakes. ?? whoa dude! I mean, it’s different from person to person, but it’s just something about me that I know has always travelled with me over the years that being a student and performing for an audience is something that takes a long time to perfect and I think people try too hard to make it “perfect” when they perform rather than try to make music and be a performer for the audience. The way I see it is, why would you be a student in school if you played everything perfectly and never got nervous?

Music is hard. Performing is very hard. Performing for an audience is even harder. And, yeah, it’s kind of unfair for me to say some of these things because I have had so many performing experiences in front of people and probably more than a lot of these people will ever see in their lives. I took a minute to figure out that I’ve probably performed in front of about 3 million people in my life. In all the band shows, drum corps and Blast! Then there’s band concerts, recitals, studio class performaces, master classes… gosh, I don’t even know what else. I know 3 million sounds like a lot, but I’ve really done that much. So, when I think about something like that, getting in front of people and messing up is something I did in trumpet class a couple weeks ago and as a trumpet player, it’s very difficult to get in front of people and play some hard lit. perfectly. (even though at one point or another in practcing, we’ve played about everything in those pieces perfectly).

I don’t know why I’m talking about this. Probably because I have nothing better to do on a Thursday night. (I won’t post this until tomorrow – Friday – so that’s why I said that). I didn’t have to teach lessons this week because they are all on break. I think I mentioned that in a previous entry though… …whatever.

Man… my life… is strange. I can’t figure out if I’m happy on any given day these days… let alone even any given minute when I’m at school. I hate the fact that I walk around school and people can look at me and tell immediately that I’m not happy. I guess it’s just innevitable, under the circumstances I’ve had financially and everything I’ve gone through to piece my life back together since December. I’ve just not yet gotten close to figuring out how to move on from certain things and I don’t understand why I’m amazingly happy for a moment and just miserable the next. I guess that happens. ??

One thing I’m looking forward to is moving out of Conroe and moving down to Houston in May. I’ve got everything set up to live with Andy for the summer and it’s gonna be friggin’ sweet. Our place will be small but cozy and we’re gonna have a great time playin’ Halo 2 and playin’ trumpet. Well… more of the Halo 2. But I’ll be playing a lot this summer. I’d really like to do well enough on my audition come September so I make the orchestra. I’d love to make it in. With Larry and Andy splittin’ outta here for bigger and better things, it’s kinda up in the air what’ll happen. The trumpet studio here is pretty good, but I know when the time comes for fall auditions, the orchestra spots will be one serious competition for us, I’m thinkin’. I’m gonna do my best but I don’t care if I make it or not. I’ve played in orchestras, bands, brass ensembles, small ensembles, blah, blah, blah… etc etc etc. Whatever ensemble I make it in, I’ll still do my best and play my best everyday I’m in there. I love to make music and be a musician. It doesn’t ever matter what form it is either. But orchestra… that’s just a hype. And also, it’s rumored that Pictures at an Exhibition is on the list for next year. Man, that would be the shit!!! Something I’ve never had the opportunity to play yet and it’s just kick ass music all together.

But this summer will be both busy and productive. I’ll live about 5 miles from campus (as opposed to 45) and I’ll definitely get lots of sun… I don’t care how hot it gets in TX… all you people that live here and complain about… move to Michigan if you hate it here so much… yeesh. Anyway, I’ll enjoy the summer and write lots of drill, listen to lots of cool music and make lots of cool music. I think I’ll be teaching a few camps actually. Not really something I wanted to get back into, but right now I could use the extra $$. Especially since I’m paying for school now. ha. So much for big screen TV’s, video games and the hundreds of DVD’s I own. Time to settle into the life of a student again.

Well… geez… I’ve got more to say and lots of thoughts to write down. But my ride is here and I have to bail. Maybe I’ll wrtie more tomorrow… when it’s actually Friday, I mean. But I need to go out and try to enjoy myself. I don’t know if it’ll really get me goin’ but I just need something other than just going home to a boring apartment as I do every night.

well…  just had a lesson.  boo! gag!  that sucked.  But it was good that I found out how bad of a trumpet player I am.  At least I’m a decent musician.  

So, how do I feel today…  I dunno.  depressed??   nah, that’s about every other day for me.  sad?  not really.   I guess it’s just, like they say, one of those days.   yep.

I guess the only thing that’s good about this week is that I don’t have to do all the extra driving and teach lessons.  (that school has their break now).  But at the same time it’s a bad thing.  I’m seriously in trouble now financially, and it sucks.  I was actually doing fine until I had to pay my taxes.  Damn self-employed bullshit.  I wrote off a lot, but no matter what, the extra cash I had for the less important things like food and gas, ended up going to the IRS in form of a personal check.

I guess I’m just lazy.  There are people I see and talk to everyday that take 17 hours of classes, work 20 hours or so a week and make the most of their lives as students.  But me…  I work on sucking at life.  And I’m really good at it.   Only if I got paid for it. 

But the sad truth now is that there’s a good chance that I might not be able to afford to finish out this semester. I litterally have already had to ask friends to borrow money just to pay for gas to get to/from school this week.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life as I am right now.

I’ve made so many friends here at UH and learned so much from the teachers that have been helping me along, but there’s a scary truth to it all and that is that I made a huge mistake by coming to school a semester sooner than I planned.  Now, I’m not likely going to be able to pay my rent next month…   who knows if I’ll get evicted or whatever.  That’ll look good on my credit report.  And paying like $40/week on gas these days…   or whatever it is.

I don’t get how I let myself get into this situation.  I had to just hold off for this semester so I could start in the fall, obviously be able to qualify for financial aid, considering I already applied for all that FAFSA stuff back in December (for the 2005 fall semester)…   but paying in full out of my pocket (and no, I did not get any money from the school this semester…  it was too late, according to the people at the office).  I even had to drop 2 classes I had to take because I couldn’t afford to pay for the credits.

So, this pretty much sucks.  I had to pay an “arm” to get my car fixed when it broke about a month ago…   then I had to pay a “leg” a couple weeks ago when my tire blew.  And now somehow I have to pay for all these other things like rent and gas and the rest of the tuition I still owe.  (due by 3/27 by the way and I have $0 of it).  I wonder what will happen when I don’t pay it.   That’s probably the least of my concerns right now.

Anyway, I know I’ll make it through all this and find some way to make things work.  But I can’t believe that I might not even be around school any more in a couple weeks.  This totally sucks but it’s all that I have now and all I can really do.  I kinda did this to myself and didn’t take the time to understand the consequences of the toll this would take on my life.   Then again, why the hell does out of state tuition have to be so much money?? 

Only if I waited another 6 months…

Well…  I’m tired and I need food or something.  I’m thinking it’s time I give ebay another visit and see what stuff of mine I can sell.   Guess that’s all that I have that can save me now.  haha.

Take care all…

G