The world as I see it…

I need more sleep! 

Well, today is someone’s birthday…  but I forget who.  yikes.  how embarrasing.  

Anyway, I need to make a note to not go back and read old entries on here.  Granted, the one I read was the one I just posted yesterday (from Thursday) and I said some pretty shitty things.  I’m so forgetful on how other people are and I have no idea why I said some of those things.  I guess they’re just things that are on my mind every once in a while.  Nothing too bad and all, but me being in a pretty stressful mood the past couple weeks probably had something to do with it.

Right now I’m listeing to some of the recording of the Bluecoats show music.  I can’t wait to hear and see Ombra this summer.  That may very well be one of the most beautiful drum corps moments of all time in my opinion.   I know it’s still very early in the going of the season and all…   but they have such a great mello line that I know they’ll make some great music. 

Well, to catch everyone up a bit, not much of a productive weekend for me.  I had a few things to do that had me traveling around a lot.  I sat down with Danny and figured out I need to switch mouthpieces.  I guess being on my own the past couple years crippled my ears a bit.

Also, Sunday afternoon/evening we had a design meeting for Klein Forest.  I must say, it was a very productive meeting and it excites me that I just may be able to get the first 1/3 of the show done within the next month.  Score!!

Well, that’s about it for now.  I have lots to do and I don’t feel like killin’ my battery on more stuff here.  More later…

ta ta

edit: I remembered who’s birthday…   my friend Erin…   Happy Birthday Erin, if you ever read this.

**Yo…  so I wrote this thursday evening…  took me long enough to find time to come online again, huh?!

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What’s up world?? So, things are a little better today. Not great, but at least I smiled a few times.

So, last night wasn’t anything less than simply incredible… incredible fun, that is. Dr. Bales treated me to a nice dinner at this Vietnamese place in Houston that was delicious. I got this dish that was chicken, fried sweet rice and this yummy dipping sause for the chicken… and also a side salad, but the chicken and rice was the best part. He got this soup and added a bunch of goodies in there and I tried it.. it was very tasty.

After dinner, he took me to see a Houston Aeros game. I hadn’t seen hockey live in a long time. And with the NHL being out of comission for the year now, it’s that much more of a relief to see some action again. And the game itself was awesome. The Aeros won 5-2 and there was some great action, a couple questionable calls from the goal judges (haha) and at least 4 fights. I can’t remember, but there had to be at least 6 guys in the box at one time from both teams. Heavy hittin’ and lots of fun. I know it’s not the “NHL” caliber, but it’s still hockey and hockey rules all!!! I don’t care if it’s high school hockey, I’ll still watch it and enjoy it.

It was definitely such a treat to get invited out to spend a night not worrying about practicing or going to the gym and stuff like that. Doc was like, “man, you don’t need to practice.. lets just go take a load off…” And I did it. I really needed it too.

So, another good thing is that I definitely got a few things resolved financially. It’s still got a bit of waiting to go, but it looks like I’ll make it through okay. Thank God for all my friends and the people that I can go to for help and they are actually able to help me. And I mean that in a very sincere way, because I know that friends are always there to help you, but not likely in the ways they are in this case. I won’t really go into detail about it, but I can just say that everything will be cool and I’m just glad I brought this all up before it was too late.

As far as the rest of the semester goes, I’ll be fine. School isn’t really that difficult for me to handle. It’s actually a lot of fun for me. Not necessarily “easy” per say… just that I enjoy my major so much and I appreciate the art and the potential everyone has to be a musician and touch someone’s life in very unique ways no matter who they are, and the fact that I do that and can continue to do that motivates me enough not to ever think one negative thought about it and what I do in school. Yeah, we all get down when we don’t do well on something. Shit, I screwed up bad on my last piano exam and it bothered me for the rest of the day, but the more I think about it, I’m not Van Cliburn, yo! duh! ha.

But being here at UH, I feel that sometimes the students here are way too hard on themselves. Or just seem to act in a way where they feel they have to be perfect at every moment, even when they are still in fact trying their best to perfect playing their instruments and the purpose for why they are here in the first place. I’m not talking the ed majors either. It’s just a thing where I know when I play for studio class I’ll make mistakes. I don’t think I ever get mad from those mistakes. Though, I do get nervous, yes. But I guess it’s just something I don’t understand how someone that’s 19 or 20 years old will get in front of the studio and play some really hard trumpet lit. and honestly get upset that they made mistakes. ?? whoa dude! I mean, it’s different from person to person, but it’s just something about me that I know has always travelled with me over the years that being a student and performing for an audience is something that takes a long time to perfect and I think people try too hard to make it “perfect” when they perform rather than try to make music and be a performer for the audience. The way I see it is, why would you be a student in school if you played everything perfectly and never got nervous?

Music is hard. Performing is very hard. Performing for an audience is even harder. And, yeah, it’s kind of unfair for me to say some of these things because I have had so many performing experiences in front of people and probably more than a lot of these people will ever see in their lives. I took a minute to figure out that I’ve probably performed in front of about 3 million people in my life. In all the band shows, drum corps and Blast! Then there’s band concerts, recitals, studio class performaces, master classes… gosh, I don’t even know what else. I know 3 million sounds like a lot, but I’ve really done that much. So, when I think about something like that, getting in front of people and messing up is something I did in trumpet class a couple weeks ago and as a trumpet player, it’s very difficult to get in front of people and play some hard lit. perfectly. (even though at one point or another in practcing, we’ve played about everything in those pieces perfectly).

I don’t know why I’m talking about this. Probably because I have nothing better to do on a Thursday night. (I won’t post this until tomorrow – Friday – so that’s why I said that). I didn’t have to teach lessons this week because they are all on break. I think I mentioned that in a previous entry though… …whatever.

Man… my life… is strange. I can’t figure out if I’m happy on any given day these days… let alone even any given minute when I’m at school. I hate the fact that I walk around school and people can look at me and tell immediately that I’m not happy. I guess it’s just innevitable, under the circumstances I’ve had financially and everything I’ve gone through to piece my life back together since December. I’ve just not yet gotten close to figuring out how to move on from certain things and I don’t understand why I’m amazingly happy for a moment and just miserable the next. I guess that happens. ??

One thing I’m looking forward to is moving out of Conroe and moving down to Houston in May. I’ve got everything set up to live with Andy for the summer and it’s gonna be friggin’ sweet. Our place will be small but cozy and we’re gonna have a great time playin’ Halo 2 and playin’ trumpet. Well… more of the Halo 2. But I’ll be playing a lot this summer. I’d really like to do well enough on my audition come September so I make the orchestra. I’d love to make it in. With Larry and Andy splittin’ outta here for bigger and better things, it’s kinda up in the air what’ll happen. The trumpet studio here is pretty good, but I know when the time comes for fall auditions, the orchestra spots will be one serious competition for us, I’m thinkin’. I’m gonna do my best but I don’t care if I make it or not. I’ve played in orchestras, bands, brass ensembles, small ensembles, blah, blah, blah… etc etc etc. Whatever ensemble I make it in, I’ll still do my best and play my best everyday I’m in there. I love to make music and be a musician. It doesn’t ever matter what form it is either. But orchestra… that’s just a hype. And also, it’s rumored that Pictures at an Exhibition is on the list for next year. Man, that would be the shit!!! Something I’ve never had the opportunity to play yet and it’s just kick ass music all together.

But this summer will be both busy and productive. I’ll live about 5 miles from campus (as opposed to 45) and I’ll definitely get lots of sun… I don’t care how hot it gets in TX… all you people that live here and complain about… move to Michigan if you hate it here so much… yeesh. Anyway, I’ll enjoy the summer and write lots of drill, listen to lots of cool music and make lots of cool music. I think I’ll be teaching a few camps actually. Not really something I wanted to get back into, but right now I could use the extra $$. Especially since I’m paying for school now. ha. So much for big screen TV’s, video games and the hundreds of DVD’s I own. Time to settle into the life of a student again.

Well… geez… I’ve got more to say and lots of thoughts to write down. But my ride is here and I have to bail. Maybe I’ll wrtie more tomorrow… when it’s actually Friday, I mean. But I need to go out and try to enjoy myself. I don’t know if it’ll really get me goin’ but I just need something other than just going home to a boring apartment as I do every night.

well…  just had a lesson.  boo! gag!  that sucked.  But it was good that I found out how bad of a trumpet player I am.  At least I’m a decent musician.  

So, how do I feel today…  I dunno.  depressed??   nah, that’s about every other day for me.  sad?  not really.   I guess it’s just, like they say, one of those days.   yep.

I guess the only thing that’s good about this week is that I don’t have to do all the extra driving and teach lessons.  (that school has their break now).  But at the same time it’s a bad thing.  I’m seriously in trouble now financially, and it sucks.  I was actually doing fine until I had to pay my taxes.  Damn self-employed bullshit.  I wrote off a lot, but no matter what, the extra cash I had for the less important things like food and gas, ended up going to the IRS in form of a personal check.

I guess I’m just lazy.  There are people I see and talk to everyday that take 17 hours of classes, work 20 hours or so a week and make the most of their lives as students.  But me…  I work on sucking at life.  And I’m really good at it.   Only if I got paid for it. 

But the sad truth now is that there’s a good chance that I might not be able to afford to finish out this semester. I litterally have already had to ask friends to borrow money just to pay for gas to get to/from school this week.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life as I am right now.

I’ve made so many friends here at UH and learned so much from the teachers that have been helping me along, but there’s a scary truth to it all and that is that I made a huge mistake by coming to school a semester sooner than I planned.  Now, I’m not likely going to be able to pay my rent next month…   who knows if I’ll get evicted or whatever.  That’ll look good on my credit report.  And paying like $40/week on gas these days…   or whatever it is.

I don’t get how I let myself get into this situation.  I had to just hold off for this semester so I could start in the fall, obviously be able to qualify for financial aid, considering I already applied for all that FAFSA stuff back in December (for the 2005 fall semester)…   but paying in full out of my pocket (and no, I did not get any money from the school this semester…  it was too late, according to the people at the office).  I even had to drop 2 classes I had to take because I couldn’t afford to pay for the credits.

So, this pretty much sucks.  I had to pay an “arm” to get my car fixed when it broke about a month ago…   then I had to pay a “leg” a couple weeks ago when my tire blew.  And now somehow I have to pay for all these other things like rent and gas and the rest of the tuition I still owe.  (due by 3/27 by the way and I have $0 of it).  I wonder what will happen when I don’t pay it.   That’s probably the least of my concerns right now.

Anyway, I know I’ll make it through all this and find some way to make things work.  But I can’t believe that I might not even be around school any more in a couple weeks.  This totally sucks but it’s all that I have now and all I can really do.  I kinda did this to myself and didn’t take the time to understand the consequences of the toll this would take on my life.   Then again, why the hell does out of state tuition have to be so much money?? 

Only if I waited another 6 months…

Well…  I’m tired and I need food or something.  I’m thinking it’s time I give ebay another visit and see what stuff of mine I can sell.   Guess that’s all that I have that can save me now.  haha.

Take care all…

G

so, last night I busted my wrist when I wiped out on Preston’s board!!  haha…   I’m okay though. It’s only a flesh wound.   But damn, my elbow hurts today.   owwwie!       but I was a little too drunk to try to do freestyle tricks on wet pavement.   I’m such a dumb ass sometimes.    but it’s okay.    I had a lot of fun.

Last night was Roland’s and Donnie’s birthday gathering.  It was a great time had by all, and Levi buying a few more drinks than we had people to drink them.  hehe.  So, yeah… I kinda just went to town there.

Man, there was this storm that hit last night…  SOOO awesome.  I woulda hate to have had to fly in that weather, but damn it was cool to watch.  I was sitting at Panera just looking out the window, watching lightning flash and trees blow around.   So cool!  I love thunderstorms.

Well, I have to get going.  My battery is about to die.

Last day of spring break!  party!